Attachment

It is really hard for me to face the fact that in two days I will be leaving these kids. They say don't get too attached, don't favor certain kids, but come Thursday I've broken both of the guidelines.

I knew I would have kids I favored and who would attach themselves to me. But I'm facing the reality of my leaving and it's hard. Tomorrow I only work until noon and then I'll probably never see these kids again.

One boy has attached himself to me like glue. He's only one year old, as all the kids in my group are, and so I don't think he can understand the concept that after tomorrow, I'm not coming back. 

Matthias (the little boy) seemed like the troublemaker of the class. Every five minutes it was "Matthias, no!" The disciple style here is very, very different than the preschool I work at back in Claremont. The preschool in Claremont barely ever punishes. The teachers talk with the kids and give them hugs and love. The teachers here do that too, but the amount of discipline that is needed for these kids cannot be dealt out in hugs and good vibes.

The kids at this center would be thought of in American terms as "at risk". They have problems at home, such as an incarcerated parent or a home life with alcoholism. Working with these innocent angels, not even two years old yet-- it made me feel both devastated and passionate.

So I started giving Matthias the love I would've expected for the kids at the preschool back home. When I saw him misbehaving, I would gesture him towards me and give him a hug or dance with him or some way to distract him from whatever he was taking apart. 

And this morning as I came in, I saw the extent of his connection to me. Upon seeing me, Matthias ran to the child lock gate and started rattling it. "Ebecca!" he calls, trying to pronounce my name. He's only one, mind you, so I'm shocked when he says anything, much less the name of a volunteer he's only known two days. This morning he followed me around everywhere, reaching his hands up and making a sad face so I would pick him up. When I didn't, he would grab my elbows and climb up my legs until I had no choice but to hold him. The kid is determined.

 

I have no idea what's going to happen  after I leave. I don't know if maybe I've made a difference, if maybe I gave him the love and attention he so desperately needed and now he will change and grow for the better. Maybe he will struggle with the fact that I left, and spend the next week wailing and misbehaving worse than ever before. Maybe, come Monday, he'll forget all about me and he'll keep playing and growing as he would. I have no idea, and I will probably never know.

Because of program restrictions, I can't publicly share photos of him/us, but II have many on my phone if anyone is interested. (I am allowed to share them privately) He is a precious child and I will miss him so much. I know I still have a day and a half left, but as I mentioned, I need to start mentally preparing myself. It's going to be a tough goodbye.