The Weakest Link

"A chain is only as strong as its weakest link." - unknown

If you know my family at all, one of our defining attributes is a love for travel. I have blogged every summer for the past few years (Summer 2015, Summer 2016, Summer 2017). Blogging was often my way to contribute, a tradition that began with my dad chronicling Eastern Europe 2012, a trend that I continued. While my dad's posts were mainly educational, I liked to blog funny thoughts I've had and random quirky anecdotes.

My sister is the photographer. My dad is the professor. My mom is the second grade teacher. I am the writer. We each bring our unique gifts to travel, and that's what makes our family vacations so wonderful. But it wasn't always this way. My family is currently traveling through India for 10 days (without me). Considering that I hate crowds, noise, scents, spicy foods, overstimulation, anxiety producing situations, lack of food, exhausting days, and so many other trademarks of India, I am happy to be here in Claremont, organizing my sticker collection and admiring Shayna's photos.

But as I consider what it means to be a part of such an adventurous family, with parents who are willing to accommodate my sensory needs and my anxieties, I feel truly lucky I am able to make it work. But it was a journey to get to the peace of mind I am at today.





On a trip to South America and Macchu Picchu, on a particularly difficult and exhausting day, I broke down in tears in the middle of the hike, declaring myself "the weakest link". I was ashamed of how low of a tolerance I had for heat and stimulation, and I was sure I was holding everyone back. My family tried their best to soothe me, explaining that we are all the weakest links at one point or another. It didn't matter. I knew, 99% of the time, I was the one holding everyone back.

Up until probably my sophomore year of college I had this same approach. I saw myself as a burden to carry, not as a participant on the journey. But sophomore year, something changed. At the same time I was enrolled in the Pitzer in Ontario program, immersing myself with the realities of social inequality and challenging myself every day to admit my flaws and accept responsibility-- I made a change. It was a mental shift, and it came all in a series of short months.

In no particular order:

1. I read many wonderful self-help books, including "The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod and "Essentialism" by Greg McKewon

2. I read and educated myself about the state of our politics and our society, including struggling with concepts of white privilege, systematic oppression, and feminism. I also read "Bad Feminist" by Roxane Gay, which I highly recommend.

3. I started taking responsibility for my actions and behaviors. I stopped using my mental illness as an excuse or even an explanation. And sure, I'm still guilty of it at times, and there are days my anxiety, depression, or ADHD is truly debilitating. But I no longer used it as a catch all term or a defining aspect of my identity. See my blog post here.

4. I started embracing The Secret/The Law of Attraction. (For those of you who are confused, I use the terms interchangeably. The Law of Attraction is the principle, The Secret is the book/movie). The Law of Attraction states that your thoughts and your actions attract things into your life. If you are always worried about being late, you will attract lateness into your day. Even when thinking about things you don't want, if your mind is based in fear and not in love, you will bring more of that negativity into your life.

5. I started blogging more regularly, expressing myself and sharing my truths.

And with this, I started to see my world shift before my eyes. I started advocating for what I needed and expressing my concerns if something did not work for me. I became more independent and self-reliant. And on the summer trips in the future, I realized we were not a chain-- our family was a single unit. If I did not feel that I had the energy or stamina to make it through an activity, I reserved my energy for elsewhere. I did activities that rejuvenated me, like writing or stickers. I found ways to make it work. 

I am as much of a part of the chain as any of my other 3 family links. But sometimes, it's not about strengthening the chain, but about adjusting the methods to work for each individual link. The things that empower and excite me are not the same as what empowers and excites my sister, or Ima, or Abba. I challenge myself to go on long museum tours and I make it work for me, and my family allows me space to sit in the cafe if I get overwhelmed or just have had enough for the day.

Listen to me-- you are not a burden. You are not a link. Do not compare yourself in relation to others. Make your life work for you, and help shape your world to fit your needs and the needs of those you love.

With love,

Rivi