Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
This is a tough post to write. This is the post where I will be talking about my choice to withdraw from my graduate program at Claremont Graduate University, a highly competitive and intense masters track for Positive Developmental Psychology. This is not easy to admit, and yet for some reason I still am writing it. Because there is power and truth in personal vulnerability.
I started questioning my choice to attend Claremont Graduate University before I even applied. Sure, I love learning, I love knowledge, but I was never particularly gifted in the scientific basis of psychology. I much preferred writing essays and making powerpoint presentations to any kind of research gathering or data input.
But there were aspects of CGU that really appealed to me, not the least of which was the prestige. This highly competitive program was a big deal, and even getting in was a huge accomplishment. Only a handful of students are accepted of the hundreds that apply. Saying that I was pursuing a masters, oh and hopefully a PhD, at one of the very few schools in the world offering a degree in positive psychology-- well, it was nice to brag about.
I was not sure if I had the grades to make it in. Sure, I held a GPA above a 3.5 for all of my college years, with a few semesters getting all As. But I believe the As and Bs were not what got me in to the program. I'm pretty sure it was my work at the Claremont McKenna Autism Center, the one aspect of the Claremont colleges I am truly devastated to leave behind.
I worked at the Claremont McKenna Autism Center for most of my undergrad years, becoming a favorite with many of the graduate student therapists as well as the kids I worked with. Sure, the work was draining, but I loved making a difference and finding that spark when working together with a child. But by the end, the field work that was so empowering for me did not balance out the stress and sobs that came with the rest of the program.
So it was not a perfectly easy decision to withdraw from CGU, but after a number of nights filled with anxiety and tears, my days filled with readings and statistics and nothing else, and some good talks with my support team, I made the decision to withdraw.
So...what now?
Well, I am going to take this year in Claremont to find my path. I am privileged to have the time and means to discover what I am truly passionate about and turn that into some kind of a career. Most likely, it will have to do with writing and my creative personality. But in the end, I am still figuring it out. And that's okay.
I am all too familiar with how life can be filled with unexpected plot twists and forks in the road. There is something incredibly empowering for me that this time, I am in control. I am choosing to withdraw, I am choosing to move in a different direction. There was no doctor that told me I was too sick, no medication that made it impossible for me to continue. It was just me, deciding this was not what was right for me.
Having my own free agency and choice to determine my fate is truly empowering, and I am so grateful for the place I am in.
With love and strength,
Rivi
But there were aspects of CGU that really appealed to me, not the least of which was the prestige. This highly competitive program was a big deal, and even getting in was a huge accomplishment. Only a handful of students are accepted of the hundreds that apply. Saying that I was pursuing a masters, oh and hopefully a PhD, at one of the very few schools in the world offering a degree in positive psychology-- well, it was nice to brag about.
I was not sure if I had the grades to make it in. Sure, I held a GPA above a 3.5 for all of my college years, with a few semesters getting all As. But I believe the As and Bs were not what got me in to the program. I'm pretty sure it was my work at the Claremont McKenna Autism Center, the one aspect of the Claremont colleges I am truly devastated to leave behind.
I worked at the Claremont McKenna Autism Center for most of my undergrad years, becoming a favorite with many of the graduate student therapists as well as the kids I worked with. Sure, the work was draining, but I loved making a difference and finding that spark when working together with a child. But by the end, the field work that was so empowering for me did not balance out the stress and sobs that came with the rest of the program.
So it was not a perfectly easy decision to withdraw from CGU, but after a number of nights filled with anxiety and tears, my days filled with readings and statistics and nothing else, and some good talks with my support team, I made the decision to withdraw.
So...what now?
Well, I am going to take this year in Claremont to find my path. I am privileged to have the time and means to discover what I am truly passionate about and turn that into some kind of a career. Most likely, it will have to do with writing and my creative personality. But in the end, I am still figuring it out. And that's okay.
I am all too familiar with how life can be filled with unexpected plot twists and forks in the road. There is something incredibly empowering for me that this time, I am in control. I am choosing to withdraw, I am choosing to move in a different direction. There was no doctor that told me I was too sick, no medication that made it impossible for me to continue. It was just me, deciding this was not what was right for me.
Having my own free agency and choice to determine my fate is truly empowering, and I am so grateful for the place I am in.
With love and strength,
Rivi
No comments:
Post a Comment