National Suicide Prevention Day

September 10, 2016


This photo was taken as part of a project-- Steve Rosenfield Photography - What I Be Project. My insecurity at the time, the one I was ashamed to admit, was my fear that my mental illness and my dark times were the most interesting thing about me. That I didn't know who I was without my illness, that even if I was stronger than my illness, I was still defined by it. I almost wanted to be defined by it, because defeating my demons was the strongest thing I had ever done. And yet I knew I had to stop living in my past, and start finding who I was meant to be.

Rivi Name Change

Before

After

It's strange to think about how many people in my life only know me as Rivi. How many of my friends, professors, acquaintances, etc. only know the healed version of me, the recovered girl, the bouncy and bubbly personality that is so crucial to who I am. I have received a few requests, after reading my high holy day intentions, to explain how and why I chose to nickname myself Rivi. There's a long version and a short version.

High Holy Days Intentions

As some of you may know, the High Holidays and Jewish New Year are fast approaching. We are in the Jewish year of 5776.

The High Holidays have always had a special meaning for me. More than academic semesters or calendar years, the Jewish calendar corresponds with my growth as a Jewish woman and as a growing, changing, learning, and recovering individual.

At the beginning of the academic semester, I set my goals for my grades and study habits. At the beginning of the calendar year, I set my new year's resolutions to exercise more, or to clean my room. Since Jews don't believe in Hell, I'll paraphrase: the road to a messy mind and a struggling brain is paved with good intentions.

In 2013, the Jewish year of 5774, I began a tradition that I have been keeping to this day. A tradition that has had profound, life changing effects on myself, my community, and how I interact with the world. At the beginning of the new Jewish year, I set an intention. A habit, it often is, to define how I will live the following year. What kind of mindset do I want to approach the year with? Through what lens will I see my goals, my values, and my future?