Why I Write (July 27, 2020)

Today's selfie: I'm smiling.

Before anything else, I need to say thank you to everyone who has commented, liked, shared, messaged me, etc. since my last post. I have been blown away with the amount of love and support I have in my community. 

It is in these dark times when I am able to see the number of sparks and lights that are brightening my way. Depression doesn’t feel like darkness for me; rather, it feels like a heavy fog. It feels like a television with the brightness turned down all the way, a wrinkled version of the life I know is possible. 

I write about my depression, my anxiety, my ADHD, and my mental health journey for many reasons, the primary reason being this: I want to be the person I needed when I was younger. I am not striving to make some grand statement, no moral of the story here. I am simply writing my truth because writing is the best connection I know. Writing was how I expressed myself when I felt invisible. Writing was what brought me out during the darkest times of my journey in high school, and it is what lifts me up now. 

Writing gives me a purpose beyond my own struggle. Writing provides truth and value in a world of social media filtered perfection. Writing remains how I speak unspeakable truths, how I share what I hold too tightly. I hope that may connect with someone, even if that connection is only with myself on a deeper level.

I write because I don’t have the answer. I write because there are not always answers, sometimes there are only statements and stories and truths. My story is still going, and it is nowhere near complete. I am not near my ending, both in the dark sense and the superficial sense. I will continue living and continue writing and continue sharing my truth. My story is also not over in the aspect that it is not tied up with a pretty bow. I am not a success story, I am only a story. I do not know what happens next, but I invite you along for the ride. 

Come with me as I write my story. I am blessed with love from a community of tangental connections, people who are reaching out across screens to offer support. And when you are ready, I invite you to share your story as well. We are all living stories of the beauties of humanity. Come with me; let us live and tell our stories.

With love and strength,

Rivi