A couple years ago, in March of 2023, I received the autism diagnosis I had been suspecting I had for years. A couple of years prior, I had reached out to a psychiatrist, recommended by my therapist, who specialized in autism and neurodivergence. I had several zoom meetings with my parents, each of us giving our own perspective on what was clearly a lifelong struggle. Still, by the end of our sessions together, I was scared. I told the doctor I didn't want to know, I knew that because of my ADHD I was at least neurodivergent, and that was enough of a label for me. It wasn't.
A year or so after that I scheduled a meeting with just him and me, to confirm my suspicions. He explained that autism is a spectrum, and I'm somewhere on that autism spectrum. I felt validated in ways I hadn't felt in years. Finally, this diagnosis gave me clarity. I began working WITH my neurodivergence, my AuDHD (Autism and ADHD combined), to set up a meaningful life.
I found a doctor close to me in Berkeley and set up an annual physical that was five years behind schedule. I went to the dentist and repaired all my teeth, which had cavities and needed crowns and fillings galore. I designed a night time routine that could incorporate brushing my teeth for two minutes with an electric toothbrush while I emptied and refilled the dishwasher (solving two problems at once). I found a rock climbing gym a few blocks away from my apartment, that was open late. Rock climbing could be an individual sport (bouldering, without the rope), so I could build habits, go to the gym, do some climbing, and improve my physical and mental health all together.
This was a new path, a new journey for me. As I understood my neurodivergence, I watched YouTube videos and channels of women with ADHD and women with Autism, finally reaching the understanding of why I was overlooked for so long.
It doesn't make it better-- not by a long shot. I'll include my favorite longer piece about my main mental health journey being misdiagnosed as Bipolar and feeling unseen as a young woman with depression and creativity and struggles and joys. All the contradictions made it hard to fit me in a box, so the doctors just dismissed me to more sedating medications and unending follow ups.
And then I learned about how autism shows up in girls and women. I'll post some resources below for those of you interested in learning more. It has not been studied nearly enough, but as a society, we are becoming more accepting. Simply knowing I can describe myself as "neurodivergent" and have people understand that-- that alone is enough to give me wild hope.
