I know basically nothing about music, but I remember hearing this comment about DJs somewhere (probably on a podcast). The reality of being a DJ is that no one should be able to tell if you are good. Bad DJs are noticeable. But good DJs, who make the club or the venue the best it can be, should fade into the background and be completely unobserved.
That's kind of what my depression feels like. I've gone a couple weeks now without writing a blog post, and my journey towards mental wellness and stability is trudging along. When it's bad, I KNOW it's bad. I can tell when my medication isn't working right, or I'm in another depressive episode, or the world just feels too big and too hopeless for me to engage with. It's not like that right now. Things feel okay.
I wish I had more of a revelation for this. I remember the first time I ever went on anti-depressants, when I was 17, I felt the effects in only a few days. I went to my parents announcing my dark cloud had lifted. It was a dramatic change. It was a worldview I had never seen as a teenager-- seeing a world that was not covered by depression and darkness.
This morning, I called the repair person to fix my garbage disposal (all by myself! I hate making calls) and made myself eggs for breakfast. I took my medication and wrote a letter to a penpal and worked on this blog post. And somewhere in the middle of everything, I realized I was more than okay. I'm actually feeling pretty good. I think it will be a good day.
Now if you'll excuse me, I think the DJ is playing my song...
With love,
Rivi
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