Name and Identity

I know it’s been a good few months since I’ve written anything. My life has been good. I haven’t had too many struggles to work through in my writing, haven’t worried that I would lose my sense of self without a sense of self expression. All in all, I’ve been good.

I worked pretty regularly as a substitute teacher at the JCC East Bay, located less than a block away from my apartment. It’s a wonderful environment, and for the 2021-2022 school year I was hired as a regular preschool teacher. Plus, I am now an official naproom teacher, which honestly is a dream job.

I love my work, I love my co-teachers, I love my family and friends I connect with from near and far. I am passionate about my creative pursuits, from sewing to knitting to writing. I am grateful for all that I have and all that is set to be.

It wasn’t always like this. I am truly living a life I never dreamed of. I am living independently, navigating social and professional dynamics, and sharing my truth through my writing. I can be nothing but grateful for the place I am now.

For those of you who may not know, Rivi is not my legal name. Legally, my name is Rebecca. That was who I was growing up, who I was when I was hurting, who I was when I was in such dark places. Around age 17, I decided I was no longer that quiet, anxious, helpless girl. I was a strong young woman, and I wanted to reclaim my name and my identity.

My heart still breaks for my younger self. Rebecca had to be released so Rivi could live. There was a sad younger self in me, and she’s still there. And by reclaiming my name, my identity, and my story, I am living now. I reflect on my past self, my past pain, and my resilience to move forward.

There are sad parts that linger. There are wise words and knowledge I cling to within my mind. I am comprised of many parts, many stories, and many paths. I am proud to be living now as Rivi: Teacher Rivi, friend Rivi, penpal Rivi, advocate Rivi.

I am becoming who I have always fought to be. I am stronger than I know, and I am moving forward, in strength.