Expressive Arts Therapy

I'll be honest, I have no idea how to start this post. I (quite literally) just completed a six day intensive retreat for my new masters' program in expressive arts therapy. Here is a link to the program website. It was a lot and it was full and it was fulfilling. And now I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. Whoever "you" are. I know I haven't been writing a lot in the past few years. I have invested myself in my teaching work and in my self care and in understanding myself, my neurodivergence, and my place in the world. Now I have come full circle in a completely different mindset, and I am moving forward towards my work and my purpose in the world.

In my darkest times, deep in my depression and misdiagnosis and overmedication, I found art. I discovered a way to express myself, through writing, drawing, and slam poetry. This creative expression offered me power. When my entire life was controlled by medication schedules and overwhelming side effects and counting minutes and sleeping too much-- I found healing.

Coming Out as Asexual

Happy pride! Or, as I like to call it, rainbow capitalism month. As you can probably tell from the title, I have decided to come out of the closet as they say, as gray ace (on the asexual spectrum) as well as opening up about my journey of understanding my asexuality, my neurodivergence, and myself.

If you've never heard the term gray ace, asexual spectrum, or asexual identity, I'll give you a brief overview of my experience. Like many aspects of my identity, this is a spectrum and not a binary. Others experiences with asexuality can and will differ, but this is mine. This is how I am choosing to identify, and this fits my experience of my own sexual identity. 

I don't completely remember when I was first introduced to the idea of asexuality, but in 2021 I read the book "Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex" by Angela Chen and finally feeling understood. Finally my experience of sexual ambiguity, of constant confusion, of the frustration of living in a world and culture dominated by sex-- it all made sense. 

Like many other parts of my life, this was affected by my neurodivergence and mental illness. Was I asexual, or were side effects of my anti-depressants causing these issues? How could I want to be in a relationship with someone but never want to be intimate? Why did I have all of these crushes on book characters, yet not a single celebrity crush?