Playing Defensive; Logging Off

Anti-Semitism, the Internet, and Me

I have lost friends over the past year because I am Jewish.

You can read that and think, oh, I’m sure that’s not it. I’m sure you were attacking them with Zionist propaganda and then these friends set reasonable boundaries. It can’t be because of your religion, your culture, and your career as a Jewish educator.

It can’t possibly be.

And yet, I can assure you that it is. I have logged out of all my social media because of the rampant anti-Semitic remarks sent by supposed well-meaning activists. I’m here now to tell my story.

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When I was in college, at Pitzer college in southern California, we had something called “Israel apartheid week”. This was the week every school year I took off my Jewish star necklace. When I was scared to attend Hillel. When I stopped feeling safe making art.

I painted an Israeli flag with the Hebrew word “Shalom” and the English translation, “Peace”.

I don’t think I have to explain the irony of how my artwork, within hours, was defaced, by student members aptly titled, “Jewish Voice for Peace”.

I don’t know if it was that group, another one, or some bored student with a spray can. Regardless, this is just one example. And when I went to the administrative office to tell them of the incident, they assured me that art is subjective and other nonsense words that did not soothe my concerns in the least.

For four years I experienced a type of gaslighting by my college administration, telling me I was over reacting. Not just for this incident, but for others.

This wasn’t anti-semitism, they told me. This was just very passionate, very well intentioned peers with nothing better to do than deface my painting and hang eviction notices on Jewish students doors.

I was overreacting. I should go back to my dorm. I should focus on my schoolwork.

Unfortunately, Pitzer college, my Alma mater, and the colleges surrounding it, have only gotten worse. I have attempted to call administration directly, several times, since I to this day continuously receive emails asking for me to support the school that brushed over my experiences. My alma mater took the side of the bullies. My school that silenced their critics.

I’ll put the petition here, in case you want to sign it as well. I’ll be honest; I have little to no hope. It simply is what it is, and what it has always been. (Update: since I wrote this, I learned of ongoing litigation against the Claremont colleges and other liberal California private colleges. This brings me new hope, but my choice to stay offline still stands)

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And now, the here and now:

I withdrew from my masters program, a program I thought was perfect for me, because I saw these patterns repeating. Patterns of not protecting Jewish students. Patterns that avoided listening to the voices of those actually affected by the conflict. Short emails of lukewarm responses that never condemned the acts of the terror, on any side.

This is a divisive issue, to be sure. But from me, and other diaspora Jews affected by this war, please, I’m asking: have compassion. Take a step back and reflect.

Think about the ways you are marginalized, the ways you have been silenced and hurt, and ask yourself: do I really need to post this inflammatory comment? Do I really need to add this to my story? Do I really need to say this?

Because maybe, in the end, this doesn’t affect you.

And, to be honest, it only indirectly affects me.

I chose to log off. What will you choose?