How Good It Can Feel to Feel Good

Recently, I have been taking mental note of times when I feel good. Not just okay, not just fine, but truly, genuinely, good.

For me, these moments can be fleeting, but I am grateful nonetheless. They are afternoons of winding yarn and listening to a fantastic new audiobook. They are times when I feel inspired by a new project or plan. I am setting up a life for myself in Berkeley, CA, so in August I will be moving there. Thinking about that, planning my move, looking for apartments, and setting up job interviews and opportunities-- all of this gives me joy and fulfillment.

For quite some time now, I have been feeling down. Not clinically depressed, not panic attack level anxious, not the struggling dependence of ADHD, but just somewhat off. I didn't realize it fully until recently, and not until tonight, as I am writing this, am I recognizing the complexity of what I have been going through.

Social media will have you believe I am knitting up a storm of beautiful projects while laughing with my family on the weekends and holding it all together working part time at a local preschool. But that was hardly the case. Because life is never how it is on social media.

The Hygge of Singing the Shema

My Nightly Tradition with Nonny

My grandma on my mom's side, who I call Nonny, calls me every night to sing the Shema. When I was growing up, my parents would sing the Shema and "shelter us" song to my sister and me, and recently Nonny and I have continued the tradition nightly. We talk about our days, catch up, and recite the Jewish prayer.

This tradition started a few months ago. I live in Claremont, and my grandparents are only about an hour's drive away (which, to be fair, can greatly depend on LA traffic). I liked the idea of visiting my Nonny and Poppy, my maternal grandparents, about monthly. This slowed down a bit once I started teaching at Kiddie Academy, but I did get to visit them this past weekend.

A few months ago, when I was visiting them, I recited Shema with Nonny and we exchanged thoughts about what we are grateful for. It was a nice little thing to do before I slept and made me feel a type of familial comfort I hadn't felt since living on my own.