Watch my slam poem
Performed at Scripps Open Mic
WATCH IT
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Attachment
It is really hard for me to face the fact that in two days I will be leaving these kids. They say don't get too attached, don't favor certain kids, but come Thursday I've broken both of the guidelines.
I knew I would have kids I favored and who would attach themselves to me. But I'm facing the reality of my leaving and it's hard. Tomorrow I only work until noon and then I'll probably never see these kids again.
One boy has attached himself to me like glue. He's only one year old, as all the kids in my group are, and so I don't think he can understand the concept that after tomorrow, I'm not coming back.
Matthias (the little boy) seemed like the troublemaker of the class. Every five minutes it was "Matthias, no!" The disciple style here is very, very different than the preschool I work at back in Claremont. The preschool in Claremont barely ever punishes. The teachers talk with the kids and give them hugs and love. The teachers here do that too, but the amount of discipline that is needed for these kids cannot be dealt out in hugs and good vibes.
The kids at this center would be thought of in American terms as "at risk". They have problems at home, such as an incarcerated parent or a home life with alcoholism. Working with these innocent angels, not even two years old yet-- it made me feel both devastated and passionate.
So I started giving Matthias the love I would've expected for the kids at the preschool back home. When I saw him misbehaving, I would gesture him towards me and give him a hug or dance with him or some way to distract him from whatever he was taking apart.
And this morning as I came in, I saw the extent of his connection to me. Upon seeing me, Matthias ran to the child lock gate and started rattling it. "Ebecca!" he calls, trying to pronounce my name. He's only one, mind you, so I'm shocked when he says anything, much less the name of a volunteer he's only known two days. This morning he followed me around everywhere, reaching his hands up and making a sad face so I would pick him up. When I didn't, he would grab my elbows and climb up my legs until I had no choice but to hold him. The kid is determined.
I have no idea what's going to happen after I leave. I don't know if maybe I've made a difference, if maybe I gave him the love and attention he so desperately needed and now he will change and grow for the better. Maybe he will struggle with the fact that I left, and spend the next week wailing and misbehaving worse than ever before. Maybe, come Monday, he'll forget all about me and he'll keep playing and growing as he would. I have no idea, and I will probably never know.
Because of program restrictions, I can't publicly share photos of him/us, but II have many on my phone if anyone is interested. (I am allowed to share them privately) He is a precious child and I will miss him so much. I know I still have a day and a half left, but as I mentioned, I need to start mentally preparing myself. It's going to be a tough goodbye.
Monday, March 16, 2015
First day
I am exhausted! It has been such a long day. I woke up at 7:30 am (though tomorrow I will somehow have to wake up at 6 am), to meet the group in front of our host house at 9 am. My host mother made me toast, jam, watermelon, and some kind of delicious fruit juice (I believe it was passion fruit). I showered (in very hot water; I couldn't figure out how to change the temperature), got dressed, put SPF enriched foundation on my face and assumed the rest of my body would be fine. (It wasn't. See sunburn pictures below.)
Around 9 am, I found my way to the front of the house, in a living room where we were all supposed to meet. I met the other participants. There are 7 of us in total, 6 girls and 1 boy, and we range in age from 16 to 25 years old. We're a pretty great group, if I say so myself, coming from all over the US and one girl from Russia.
We chatted a bit as we waited for our program leaders; surprisingly, by the end of the day, I knew everyone's name. And I am really bad at remembering names, usually. It seems like we're going to be a great group; seven is a pretty good size.
We were told to bring our passports and good conduct letters (letters from the sheriff or DOJ saying that we aren't criminals) and we started our day. Luckily, the guides/program leaders spoke English pretty fluently (though they did occasionally converse in Spanish with the other, more fluent speakers, while I stood in dumbfound awe). This was when I learned that our transportation consisted out public buses and walking. Costa Rican public buses...not that I'm complaining, it has been an incredible journey, but the idea that I may have to navigate foreign bus systems, even with a group, did not make me ecstatic.
We made three bus transfers until we ended up at the headquarters for either the Childcare center or Projects Abroad; I couldn't really tell. We had papers to sign about student conduct. Apparently coming back to your host home drunk is not allowed...who woulda thunk?! Also, people here are nice, but don't trust strangers on the street. And a fun fact about Costa Rica: It hasn't had an army since 1948! Learn something new every day.
After we finished signing and making copies of our passports, etc., we took another public bus back to the main square. The main square is wonderful. Lots of cheap prices (taking after my mother's savviness...) and the whole area appears very Costa Rican, from the architecture to the people to the fresh fruit and hanging meat displays.
We walked around a little bit, stopped by the bank to convert money, went to a clean bathroom, took a tour of the main, Costa Rican authentic food market, and finally went to a very authentic Costa Rican restaurant for lunch. Scratch that, actually. You couldn't really call it a restaurant--cafe, perhaps? Nope, still too nice. Let's say it was a bundle of tables and chairs situated in front of a buffet scoopable meat and rice display. Authentic.
I was hungry by this time. I ordered whatever most everyone else had and ate the entire plate without questioning what was in it. I haven't vomited yet-- fingers crossed!
From there we took another-- you guessed it-- public bus to the stop near the childcare center. We stopped by a really cute supermarket, where I picked up some chocolate candies and failed multiple times trying to figure out what was written on these goshdarn colorful Coleroes (Costa Rican) money. I gave the cashier what I thought was the equivalent of $10; turns out I had given him the equivalent of $1. Also, I don't speak Spanish very well at all, so there was some confusion when he asked for the rest of the money and I asked for change. Then I looked closer at the bill and figured it out somewhat. Five minutes later, I had gained knowledge of the Costa Rican monetary system and bought a nice bag of chocolate candies.
We arrived at the childcare center around 1:15 pm, only to be told the children would be napping until 1:45 or so. So we sat awkwardly on park benches and I debated how noticeable it would be if I fell asleep on the trampoline. I decided very.
Entering the preschool, I requested to be placed with an English speaking teacher, which they gave me, BUT that did not mean I had an English speaking classroom. Oh no, not in the least. I was placed with the five and six year olds, who love to talk very quickly and ask lots of questions. Here is an example conversation.
Child: (Speaks an absurd amount of Spanish very quickly)
Me: (Flips awkwardly through phrase book) (Attempts to say: Speak slowly, please) (Fails at pronunciation) (Points to the Spanish phrase in the book for the child to see) (Realizes the child doesn't yet read). Si.
Child: (Speaks Spanish, a little slower).
Me: Uhhh....empanadas? (referring to the snack they were eating)
Child: (Makes a series of elaborate hand motions while speaking Spanish, which I assume are something about the food they are eating and how it is cooked).
Me: Delicioso...Muoy bien.
(Repeat continuously throughout the afternoon)
So, by 4 pm, I was understandably un-understanded and frustrated. I have requested to switch to a younger crowd, so I have been told I will switch hopefully to infants or toddlers. I'm pretty sure peek a boo and funny faces are universal, so I think I'm good.
After the day ended, we took the bus back to the main square, where our guides bid us goodbye and assumed we could get back on our own. Which we could. Mostly.
We got off one stop too early, but luckily it was a straight shot. However, a couple students decided to "take the road less traveled" and follow a different bus to a different main road. Don't worry, we knew the general area we were in. Hopefully. I was just following the group.
We stopped for a snack and some drinks at a local bar. I didn't get anything; I was perfectly happy with my Bobble water bottle and self-packaged trail mix. We hung around there for an hour or so, until 5:30 or so, and walked back to our host home by 5:45. My host mother made me a delicious, authentic dinner, then I made the firm decision to crash in my room and catch up on my HBO shows.
But guess what? HBO isn't supported outside of the 50 states. A bit frustrated, I checked Netflix. To my pleasant surprise, was jam-packed with awesome TV shows and movies for streaming. They have Homeland! And Modern Family! And the Princess Bride! So I was all settled in, knitting by my side, headphones pulled out...
I hear drumming coming from outside. Nothing menacing, sounds joyous but still confusing. Some kind of parade? Or rowdy neighborhood kids? My host mother comes in excitedly, speaks in Spanish and I think I catch "tambourines". I use my best Spanish to say I am tired or something, but my curiosity gets the best of me so I slip on some flip flops and head outside with everyone else, only to find that whatever this music was has moved on to the next street.
So there I am, standing outside in the cool Costa Rican air, dressed in hand me down shorts and souvenir t-shirt from a TV show, when I realize in all entirety where I am. I am in Costa Rica. In another country, on my own, doing wonderful work and being the strong and independent young woman that I am.
So I don't crawl back to my Netflix. I hang around the garage area for the next half hour, kicking around a soccer ball with my host siblings, failing miserably at soccer ball tricks, laughing, and just appreciating where I am, geographically and metaphorically.
And that leads me here, the living room of my host home, some weird Spanish game show fuzzy on the television set, blue lit screen and keyboard resting on my lap.
I am so grateful. It has been a good day.
Love always, Rivi
 |
| Sunburns... |
We chatted a bit as we waited for our program leaders; surprisingly, by the end of the day, I knew everyone's name. And I am really bad at remembering names, usually. It seems like we're going to be a great group; seven is a pretty good size.
We were told to bring our passports and good conduct letters (letters from the sheriff or DOJ saying that we aren't criminals) and we started our day. Luckily, the guides/program leaders spoke English pretty fluently (though they did occasionally converse in Spanish with the other, more fluent speakers, while I stood in dumbfound awe). This was when I learned that our transportation consisted out public buses and walking. Costa Rican public buses...not that I'm complaining, it has been an incredible journey, but the idea that I may have to navigate foreign bus systems, even with a group, did not make me ecstatic.
 |
| Fruit stand at the main market |
 |
| Main market |
After we finished signing and making copies of our passports, etc., we took another public bus back to the main square. The main square is wonderful. Lots of cheap prices (taking after my mother's savviness...) and the whole area appears very Costa Rican, from the architecture to the people to the fresh fruit and hanging meat displays.
We walked around a little bit, stopped by the bank to convert money, went to a clean bathroom, took a tour of the main, Costa Rican authentic food market, and finally went to a very authentic Costa Rican restaurant for lunch. Scratch that, actually. You couldn't really call it a restaurant--cafe, perhaps? Nope, still too nice. Let's say it was a bundle of tables and chairs situated in front of a buffet scoopable meat and rice display. Authentic.
 |
| Lunch (before) |
 |
| Lunch (after) |
From there we took another-- you guessed it-- public bus to the stop near the childcare center. We stopped by a really cute supermarket, where I picked up some chocolate candies and failed multiple times trying to figure out what was written on these goshdarn colorful Coleroes (Costa Rican) money. I gave the cashier what I thought was the equivalent of $10; turns out I had given him the equivalent of $1. Also, I don't speak Spanish very well at all, so there was some confusion when he asked for the rest of the money and I asked for change. Then I looked closer at the bill and figured it out somewhat. Five minutes later, I had gained knowledge of the Costa Rican monetary system and bought a nice bag of chocolate candies.
We arrived at the childcare center around 1:15 pm, only to be told the children would be napping until 1:45 or so. So we sat awkwardly on park benches and I debated how noticeable it would be if I fell asleep on the trampoline. I decided very.
Entering the preschool, I requested to be placed with an English speaking teacher, which they gave me, BUT that did not mean I had an English speaking classroom. Oh no, not in the least. I was placed with the five and six year olds, who love to talk very quickly and ask lots of questions. Here is an example conversation.
Child: (Speaks an absurd amount of Spanish very quickly)
Me: (Flips awkwardly through phrase book) (Attempts to say: Speak slowly, please) (Fails at pronunciation) (Points to the Spanish phrase in the book for the child to see) (Realizes the child doesn't yet read). Si.
Child: (Speaks Spanish, a little slower).
Me: Uhhh....empanadas? (referring to the snack they were eating)
Child: (Makes a series of elaborate hand motions while speaking Spanish, which I assume are something about the food they are eating and how it is cooked).
Me: Delicioso...Muoy bien.
(Repeat continuously throughout the afternoon)
So, by 4 pm, I was understandably un-understanded and frustrated. I have requested to switch to a younger crowd, so I have been told I will switch hopefully to infants or toddlers. I'm pretty sure peek a boo and funny faces are universal, so I think I'm good.
After the day ended, we took the bus back to the main square, where our guides bid us goodbye and assumed we could get back on our own. Which we could. Mostly.
 |
| Town square walking distance from the host home |
We stopped for a snack and some drinks at a local bar. I didn't get anything; I was perfectly happy with my Bobble water bottle and self-packaged trail mix. We hung around there for an hour or so, until 5:30 or so, and walked back to our host home by 5:45. My host mother made me a delicious, authentic dinner, then I made the firm decision to crash in my room and catch up on my HBO shows.
 |
| Dinner by my Host Mother |
But guess what? HBO isn't supported outside of the 50 states. A bit frustrated, I checked Netflix. To my pleasant surprise, was jam-packed with awesome TV shows and movies for streaming. They have Homeland! And Modern Family! And the Princess Bride! So I was all settled in, knitting by my side, headphones pulled out...
I hear drumming coming from outside. Nothing menacing, sounds joyous but still confusing. Some kind of parade? Or rowdy neighborhood kids? My host mother comes in excitedly, speaks in Spanish and I think I catch "tambourines". I use my best Spanish to say I am tired or something, but my curiosity gets the best of me so I slip on some flip flops and head outside with everyone else, only to find that whatever this music was has moved on to the next street.
So there I am, standing outside in the cool Costa Rican air, dressed in hand me down shorts and souvenir t-shirt from a TV show, when I realize in all entirety where I am. I am in Costa Rica. In another country, on my own, doing wonderful work and being the strong and independent young woman that I am.
So I don't crawl back to my Netflix. I hang around the garage area for the next half hour, kicking around a soccer ball with my host siblings, failing miserably at soccer ball tricks, laughing, and just appreciating where I am, geographically and metaphorically.
And that leads me here, the living room of my host home, some weird Spanish game show fuzzy on the television set, blue lit screen and keyboard resting on my lap.
 |
| Love you all!! |
I am so grateful. It has been a good day.
Love always, Rivi
Arrived safely in Costa Rica
I have officially made it safely to Costa Rica! At the moment, I am sitting in my quaint bedroom in my host family's home, writing this blog post and preparing to start my day. Projects Abroad, the program I am working with, will pick up all the students at 9 am (it is currently 8:45 am here). So I figured I'd throw in a blog post, let you all know I'm here.
I am so excited to be here. This week I will be working in childcare facilities in Costa Rica-- perfect for me, right? I met a couple other girls on the program last night, or they may be on a longer trip. The other student staying here is from Germany and she's here for 7 months on a gap year.
My Spanish is increasing rapidly. It has to, because my host family speaks no English. My host mother is very sweet and always speaks slowly and helps me to correct my pronunciation. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have a good understanding of the language. Also, thank god for google translate and free wifi. That saved last night's attempt at a conversation. Flipping through 100 pages of Spanish words to try and find the word "learning" was getting very awkward.
I think I hear the doorbell, which means I am off to start my day. I believe today is mostly orientation, but I'm super excited nonetheless. I'll keep you updated through my journey; I'm very happy that the house has wifi.
I'll also try and post pictures. My camera also doubles as my iPhone, but I'm hoping the quality will still be great.
Super psyched for my week ahead!
Love always, Rivi
 |
| My bedroom at my homestay. As you can tell, I've already moved in... |
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Blank Page
Taylor swift should have a song about Writer's Block called "Blank Page" that's just silence with a couple of awkward guitar chords thrown in.
I come up with great ideas while waiting in a three hour layover...
I come up with great ideas while waiting in a three hour layover...
Interning at Generation Hopeful
For those of you who are not aware, I am currently interning as an online content creator at Generation Hopeful, a website that features written pieces advocating for mental health awareness. It is run by the wonderful Jennifer Renick, and fights against the ever present stigma of mental illness.
I started with Generation Hopeful by writing a piece titled "My Therapy Experience", which detailed the story of my misdiagnosis, various therapies, and eventual recovery to the point I am at today. I loved the website and everything it stood for. It was/is the very fight I am trying to advocate for.
The head of the website, Jennifer Renick, contacted me after the piece asking if I would be interested in writing or interning with them on a regular basis. It was very exciting. We met up for an interview/coffee after Winter break and discussed my interests and what kind of work I might want to do with them. I mentioned that I love writing, so we worked together to create my official title, "Online Content Creator". I write a twice monthly series, titled "Mental Health and College," which discusses my personal experiences being at college living with mental illness as well as giving advice for any other students who may be dealing with similar struggles.
So yes, this is a no-regrets publicity piece for Generation Hopeful. I was not asked to do this; I am honestly just so excited to be interning with them. Please come check out my pieces and spread the word-- it's a wonderful website and organization! Stay tuned for my next post about Mental Health and Knitting (surprise!), which should be posted in the nest few days.
Love always, Rivi
Generation Hopeful
Generation Hopeful Facebook Page (Please "like"!)
Generation Hopeful Twitter
Generation Hopeful YouTube Channel
Generation Hopeful Tumblr Page
My Therapy Experience: Rivi
Mental Health and College: Introduction
Mental Health and College: Body Positivity and Self-Love
Plane ride knitting
Working on a teal slouchy hat with a twisted cable design. If I finish it in time hopefully I'll gift it to my host family in Costa Rica 
Knitting Projects: Socks
This blog will definitely be a platform for me to display/brag about my latest knitting projects. My current accomplishment: I just finished my first pair of socks!! They have yet to be gifted away, though Aunt Debbie (Hudson) did request some booties so she may have first dibs.
Socks were the next challenge I set out to figure out. I've heard that turning the heel was the hardest part; I actually found it not as terrible as I thought, though I simply did loathe picking up stitches for the gusset (the triangular part next to the heel). The pattern I used was called "Easy Peasy Socks" and I found it on ravelry. It was very clear, step by step, and was created for a beginner sock maker like myself. I can attach the PDF of the pattern when I am on my computer.
I do think they came out very nicely! I used Red Heart Soft yarn in the light blue color. It was on sale at michaels. If you do end up trying out this pattern, I highly suggest buying two balls of yarn. I got halfway through my second sock when I ran out of yarn. I ended up starting over, because I had made some mistakes anyways, but then there was a delay in making the second sock so it was a bit annoying.
(I don't think anyone would think I got paid or sponsored for this post, but for the record, I did not. This was the pattern I used; it's a free pattern anyways. And the yarn is the one I used because I like this brand and its soft).
Here are the socks!!
Costa Rica bound!
I'm all set on my flight to Houston! From there I will have a three hour layover, then connect to San Jose, Costa Rica. So far, it's been good. I bought two books I've been meaning to read at the airport bookstore and a filtered water bottle. The books I've got are Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay and One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories by B.J. Novak. I'll let you know how I like them. I've got a window seat with adequate legroom, books, and two knitting project. I think I'm good to go!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
I'm going to Costa Rica!!
Hi all,
Spring break is quickly approaching, and if you know me at all, you know I am not a "party hard get drunk bikini spring breaker" kind of person. That's just not me. Also, a side note, I'd sooner stay trapped on a deserted campus with my main meals being granola bars and 100 calorie pop chips than travel on those traditional college spring break WOOHOO trips.
So, I am excited to announce that I have been accepted for an alternative spring break service program in Costa Rica!
It's all very exciting, but it's also currently a whirlwind trying to get all my forms and checkups and recommendation letters in time. Shoutout to Rabbi Michael Lezak and the teacher from my preschool who were kind enough to write letters for me and oh so wonderfully prompt about it. Now, I have still to get a physical at Student health (tomorrow; fingers crossed I don't have Malaria or something!) and get a criminal background check with a local Police station. I spent this evening (along with starting this blog) catching up on all my forms and readings to prepare.
The trip includes work with child care in Costa Rica and some intense Spanish immersion. I am very excited, because right now I currently know "Hola" (hello), "Gracias" (thank you) and "Derritos" (you're welcome) (Correction: It is *Denada-- Shayna taught it to me and I constantly mess it up...)
I'll keep you updated as my plans get more formalized. I have received an email about a travel blog (mytripblog) that apparently I can get a free account for. It seems to have nice perks and benefits for blogging on this particular trip so I'll keep you updated regarding a travel blog. Because we all know how well I do with those...
I've gotten my placement and supervisor information via email. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get started learning Spanish...
Spring break is quickly approaching, and if you know me at all, you know I am not a "party hard get drunk bikini spring breaker" kind of person. That's just not me. Also, a side note, I'd sooner stay trapped on a deserted campus with my main meals being granola bars and 100 calorie pop chips than travel on those traditional college spring break WOOHOO trips.
So, I am excited to announce that I have been accepted for an alternative spring break service program in Costa Rica!
It's all very exciting, but it's also currently a whirlwind trying to get all my forms and checkups and recommendation letters in time. Shoutout to Rabbi Michael Lezak and the teacher from my preschool who were kind enough to write letters for me and oh so wonderfully prompt about it. Now, I have still to get a physical at Student health (tomorrow; fingers crossed I don't have Malaria or something!) and get a criminal background check with a local Police station. I spent this evening (along with starting this blog) catching up on all my forms and readings to prepare.
The trip includes work with child care in Costa Rica and some intense Spanish immersion. I am very excited, because right now I currently know "Hola" (hello), "Gracias" (thank you) and "Derritos" (you're welcome) (Correction: It is *Denada-- Shayna taught it to me and I constantly mess it up...)
I'll keep you updated as my plans get more formalized. I have received an email about a travel blog (mytripblog) that apparently I can get a free account for. It seems to have nice perks and benefits for blogging on this particular trip so I'll keep you updated regarding a travel blog. Because we all know how well I do with those...
I've gotten my placement and supervisor information via email. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get started learning Spanish...
Love always, Rivi
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