As many of you may have seen from my last post, I ended up withdrawing from the masters program I was enrolled in part time in order to care for my mental health.
The program, a masters in counseling with an emphasis in expressive arts therapy, seemed really perfect for me. And it was, until it wasn’t.
I did recognize, in the middle of my second semester, that I didn’t actually want to be a therapist. I did not have the emotional bandwidth to support patients and care for my own mental health. So I chose my own mental health, my own well being, over a career I no longer fit into.
All that being said, I’m very proud of the short answer responses I wrote during my application process. I hope they can give you some insight into my mental health journey, my struggles, and my strengths.
Rivi Dollinger
March 15, 2023
CIIS Application
Short Essay Responses
Please write a series of brief responses, one for each of the following prompts in the order that they appear:
- Why are you interested in applying to CIIS specifically to study Expressive Arts Therapy? (350 words maximum)
The CIIS program in Expressive Arts therapy offers unique perspectives and opportunities deeply aligned with my values and worldview. Art and creativity have offered me personally ways to heal from trauma and mental illness. The healing I found could not be achieved through any other means.
I am neurodivergent, and suffered intensely in high school as I battled depression and dealt with overmedication from a Bipolar misdiagnosis. In this overmedicated, sedated, and depressed state, art and journaling provided a path for me to express myself. Writing poetry and joining a slam poetry club gave me social connections and the opportunity to tell my story in my words.
I also know that I am lucky, as I was born into an affluent household with supportive parents who loved me so much. Being white and well-off meant I did not have to tackle systematic issues barring mental health treatment and care. As a woman, I still dealt with a lot of sexism in the mental health care industry, as most of my neurodivergence (ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder) was not diagnosed or treated until adulthood. I appreciate how the CIIS program examines these structures of inequality, and challenges their impacts in therapy settings.
Many women in my position feel unheard, unrepresented, and mistreated. I attended therapy from childhood through the current day, which I deeply value. I would not be the person I am today if it had not been for some very effective therapies and ongoing self work. In addition, in some ways, my own path of exploring art and self expression provided a sense of strength and resilience I was not able to achieve through talk or play therapy. Expressive arts therapy combines the crucial need for therapy as mental health care, and the creative value of artistic healing as I was able to understand firsthand. Viewing these through an academic and psychological lens would offer a cohesive healing method for all the various ways my life has improved through both therapy and art.
- Describe the creative arts modalities you would bring with you into the Expressive Arts Therapy program. (350 word maximum)
Writing and poetry have offered me ways to heal amongst profound pain and sorrow, and for me, that is the creative arts modality I am most familiar with. From slam poetry to narrative non-fiction to journaling, poetry and writing have supported me in every step of the healing process. Writing my story empowers me in strength and in defining my own identity.
Struggling with depression and misdiagnosis led to a deep sense of hopelessness and a lack of control over every part of my life. So much of my high school experience was dictated by doctors, medication regimens, and diets to counter the side effects of the drugs that were diminishing me. Telling my story, both then and now, has strengthened, empowered, and emboldened me.
I am also quite passionate about the visual arts, as I believe art journaling can be an incredibly playful and beautiful form of self expression. Crafting and truly creating something with one's own hands brings a sense of pride and accomplishment, a profound spark of light in sometimes an otherwise dark and storming mind.
Recently, I have immersed myself in the realm of junk journaling. Junk journaling consists of making use of materials otherwise discarded as “junk”, such as receipts or scrap paper. I love pulling out and rifling through these various bits of ephemera, visualizing an artistic adventure with these otherwise meaningless bits of everyday life. My hope and my dream is to use that motivation and drive in my future work with expressive arts therapy.
I believe in the power of play, and the usefulness of art and creativity as a form of play. My work in early childhood education encourages a more serious look at play and the impact of play on the developing mind. Loose parts play, a concept popularized by Miriam Beloglovsky, sets the foundation for the work I currently do in the classroom. Looking at everyday objects as open ended materials offers a valuable form of creative ingenuity, one that I appreciate both as a teacher and as an artist.
- Please describe the direct human services experiences you have had in either employment and/or through volunteering. (200 word maximum)
For the past four years, I have been working and teaching in the field of early childhood education. This work consists of constant hands-on engagement, gentle behavior guidance, as well as endless amounts of patience and compassion. I have forged countless connections and memories with toddlers and young children, parents and caregivers, as well as with fellow educators.
Teachers have always been overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated, and even more so now in this post-pandemic world. The toddlers in my classroom have never known a pandemic free world. I have experience teaching in many settings pre- and post-pandemic, from cost-cutting daycares to nature based preschools to my current work at the Jewish Community Center East Bay Preschool. Every job I have had has guided me on the path I am on today.
Directly working with toddlers in a preschool classroom can be overwhelming, stressful, and chaotic– but it is also some of the most rewarding work I have ever done. As teachers, we are responsible for creating a safe and loving environment where children feel cared for and that parents can trust. Teaching has shaped me into the person I am today, with strength, passion, and resilience.
- What internal and external strengths and resources do you draw from to help you cope in your daily life? What social support does this include? (200 word maximum)
I could not be in the place I am today if it had not been for a world of support around me, both in my dark times and during times of success and pride. I participated in therapy from an early age, and continue to engage in weekly therapy sessions. I could not imagine my life without the consistency and comfort weekly therapy sessions allow. One cannot succeed, improve, or grow without the backing of a support system and community.
I advocate for myself constantly, often with the guidance of my therapist, friends, or family. It can be incredibly beneficial to have outside perspectives when making big decisions, or even when deciding on the next step in one’s day. Having others who hold my best interests at heart empowers me to advocate for my needs and set necessary boundaries.
I am neurodivergent, which affects all areas of my life. Both of my parents are deeply involved in education and community work. Their compassion and understanding for the complexities of my brain offers the support I need in my adult life. Sometimes, someone offering genuine and non-judgemental care– seeking to understand without shame– can provide relief in overwhelming and difficult situations.
- Our graduates are expected to be able to work with people from very diverse social, cultural, sexual/affectional preference, gender and socioeconomic backgrounds. What is your experience of relating across dimensions of difference? (200 word maximum)
My world changed the moment I learned the term “intersectionality” during my freshman year of college. While I had been exposed to a variety of cultural, social, and diverse backgrounds throughout my life, it was not until then that I was able to understand my place in the world.
I was just beginning this journey when the Ferguson uprising began following the fatal shooting of Michael Brown. It became a crash course in learning about race and privilege, and a deeply uncomfortable one at that. But change and growth is never comfortable, nor should it be. True change can only happen when disruption begins.
In a single semester, my idealistic view of the police and the judicial system was upended, and standing by was no longer an option. I began challenging so many of my long held beliefs, learning about the personal as political and confronting my privilege.
My journey is not over, nor will it ever be. As Americans, as people, and as community members, it is our job to be constantly challenging what we think we know, the ways we wish the world would be, to begin the process of changing things for the better.
- The low-residency program requires a high level of self-directed, autonomous work in addition to the ability to work in groups. Please describe your experience in: a.) working individually, and b.) working collaboratively in a group to meet a deadline. (200 word maximum)
I have always been a self-motivated and self-taught student when working individually on topics I am passionate about. Almost all of my crafting skills are self taught, usually learned from books and youtube.
After graduating college, I decided I wanted to become a California qualified early childhood educator, and set out to achieve the units necessary so I could begin teaching in a classroom. I independently researched and made plans to enroll in three three online courses at a local community college. By the end of the semester, I had aced my courses and achieved the teacher qualification needed to move forward with my career.
My work teaching preschool requires a collaborative work style with my fellow teachers. My job position is part of a teaching team, with communication and collaboration key aspects of our work. I attend monthly staff meetings with all teachers, as well as weekly meetings with my co-teachers in the toddler classroom. Certain group work deadlines must be completed on a regular basis, such as the classroom newsletter every Sunday. Other deadlines, such as Jewish holidays require weeks of planning and collaboration in order to create a creative, developmentally appropriate, and intentional lesson structure and curriculum.
- Due to the hybridized nature of our education delivery format, students must demonstrate the ability to work with/navigate online learning formats. Please describe a challenge you have encountered in working in an online learning environment and how you overcame (or imagine overcoming) the challenge. (200 word maximum)
As many have discovered through the COVID-19 pandemic, separating work and home life can be especially difficult if it all takes place in the same location. Working online requires a great deal of self-directed motivation and an ability to plan long term and short term projects without direct supervision and guidance.
I have been bullet journaling since I began college in 2014, which has been life changing in my need for executive function guidance and structure (due to my neurodivergence) and to assist with problems in my working memory. Writing down notes, by hand, provides not only a tangible representation of the information presented, but assists in solidifying the information to memory. My anxiety eases when writing down tasks, and through this, I have been able to stay organized and on top of almost every area of my life. Bullet journaling, list making, and long form journaling have provided me with a system and a structure that works extremely well with my neurodivergent brain.
In online education, distraction is inevitable. Prioritization and focus are vital aspects of this time and work. Using a journal system and organization guide such as bullet journaling provides me with stability and groundedness in an otherwise overwhelming world.
