This semester, I am enrolled in the Munroe Center for Social Inquiry fellowship, a lecture series based around the ideas of conspiracy theories. Specifically, what they are, why people believe them, and how they affect our society.
I have loved conspiracy theories since I was very young. Even as young as 6 or 7, I remember waving up at the sky in the playground to let the scientists watching us know I knew they were there. Looking back, it was probably the CIA who was watching me. I bet they thought I was adorable. Or a threat. I mean, I was in second grade, what did I know?
Too much, probably.
The point is, I've been questioning reality for as long as I can remember. Part of that may be my Jewish upbringing, which values learning and questioning everything.
In addition to the value of education, another crucial aspect of my Jewish identity is the value of Tikkun Olam, or fixing the world.
So, how does this connect to Donald Trump, white supremacy, doomsday, the Illuminatti, and the potential destruction of all humanity? I'm getting there, I promise.
A bit of biblical backstory for y'all:
Noah's ark
G-d was super frustrated with the people he created. All of the people in the world, except Noah and his family, were bad. They were a population of evil, despite being made by G-d. Kind of like when you train your cat Chairman Meow to wait politely in the closet but then in addition to being a cute lil kitty he also pees all over your favorite suitcases and now even after dry cleaning everything you own your luggage still reeks of animal urine.
The Olive Branch
Following the 40 days and 40 nights of flooding and water and rain and destruction, G-d sends a dove with an olive branch to show that hey, it's cool, we good, there's dry land and you can totally live like normal humans again not on a boat. Even though G-d just demolished everything they ever knew. But this weird branch that probably didn't even have any edible olives on it, this was a peace offering. Sure, the world was destroyed and we have to start from scratch and also my gawd there's a lot of mating animals on this boat but I mean-- look at this gorgeous olive branch.
It's cool. We're cool. It's all good.
The Rainbow
(I feel like I'm doing a really good job of explaining this. Thanks, 12 years of Jewish day school education!)
So, after this whole flood debacle, G-d realized what he had just done like ohhhh sh-t I f--ked up damnit damnit damnit it's ruined it's RUINED I TELL YOU. Then, because G-d probably had ADHD and needed visual reminders not to go all "impulsive destroy the world on a whim with water and flooding" again, he made the rainbow to follow after every storm. Like, "I know I said I wouldn't do this whole flooding thing again, and I mean, even though it's all rainy and wet and gross, don't freak out, it's not THAT bad this time." (Shoutout to the hurricanes destroying our country right now)
Also, the rainbow remembers the unicorns, who were super uncomfortable mating on that giant boat and thus died alone and childless, realizing they were the last of their kind and now all is lost.
(Moment of silence for the unicorns)
On that note, I'm going to pause this story.
We're getting close to solving this. Just a little more biblical humor and the world will be saved.
Love and strength,
Rivi
P.S. So glad Jews don't believe in Hell because I soooo would be getting some marks on my judgement record for this.
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