Slipping

Update: I have found a medication issue was most likely the culprit for my depression. Thank you everyone for your support, and I look forward to returning to stability in the next few days :)


My last blog post was about a month and a half ago. Given that I would ideally be posting on a weekly basis, this is a long time for me to go without blogging. I could give you the typical list of reasons: I was busy, I was stressed, I was overwhelmed. All that is true, but something deeper has been lurking-- I am afraid I am slipping.

When I say "slipping", I mean slipping back into old habits. Slipping back into depression, or into anxiety about the possibility of slipping back into depression (yeah, the anxiety/depression combo can be brutal like that). Slipping for me indicates a loss of control. I know something is wrong, I know I may be headed down a spiral, but I feel helpless to get myself back on my feet.

Say it with me: Mental Illness is a lifelong struggle. There is no cure for depression and there are no guarantees in the world of psychiatry. There are things that work, and those differ from person to person. What works for me might not work for you, and what works for me one day may be completely useless the next.

Here is a list of what has worked for me in the past month. Some days are better than others, and each item on this list has helped me in one way or another. What's cruel about depression is that it forfeits your desire to fix things. It seems impossible until it is done, but once you try it, it doesn't seem so bad.



I vow today to try. I will try to make things better, as uncomfortable as it may be when the sinking feeling is in my stomach and I just want to hide in my blankets. I will try these tactics, and if they don't work they don't work. But if they do, that's one more monster of depression slain. That's one more little victory.

From strength to strength,

Rivi


Rivi's toolkit, October 2017:

• Writing letters to old friends (bonus: get creative with doodles and stickers)
• Giving advice to someone with similar issues-- the best way to lift yourself up is to help raise another
• Reading/listening to favorite books (Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson)
• Random Acts of Kindness
• Stickers and Yarn AKA spend time with your hobbies
• Text a friend and ask for help. So many people in your life would jump at the chance to support you as soon as you say the word
• Cuddle a living being, whether that is a pet, a family member, or a good friend. 
• Clean your room. Declutter. Do laundry. Clear out trash.
• Take a walk for 15-20 min. Breathe in some fresh air.
• Change your environment. Even if it's just moving to a different room in your house, a change of scenery can shake you out of a funk.
• Journaling. This month I've really been enjoying making lists and using prompts, but art journaling is also a fun option.
• Text family members/support team and ask for help. Often, the people who have supported you until now will now what works even when you don't.
• Creative writing-- indulge in fictional worlds, write stream of consciousness, spend time with your imaginary darlings
• Phone a friend. I know calling is super old school and outdated now, but you would be surprised how nice it can be to hear the sound of someone's voice.
• Make lists. Honestly, it doesn't even matter what the lists are of. It can be a list of "things that make me happy" or "Favorite Halloween themed sitcom episodes". It's a good way of journaling that's not too daunting.
• Write a blog post or a list of ideas for others. It's easy to say, "nothing will make me feel better" when you have to wrack your brain for the last time you felt inspired. When you have a list in front of you, all it takes is a little discomfort and effort to see if you can fight the monster today

Sending love and support-- I am here if anyone needs to talk/chat. I get it. I've been there. I am there. We can do this, together.