Joining the Health Club

New Election Cycle, New Me

You've probably heard of new year's resolutions. You know, the time of the year you are definitely going to lose 20 pounds, go to the gym, wake up early, and cook a three course meal every night? Yeah, that idea. Well, I'm starting some now, on a Tuesday in November.

Tragedy Overload

Saturday I woke up to breaking news of another mass shooting. Barely a day has gone by since the pipe bomb suspect was arrested and now we have something else. My heart broke as I clicked the news video, and it sank deep into my chest as I learned, in horror, that this one was targeted at a synagogue.

Something in me broke.

Something I had been pushing around for some time now, a sense of doom and hopelessness and sadness. This morning, I felt it. The utter sense of sorrow, of grief, of acceptance of tragedy. The point I realize I cannot leave, I am not immigrating to Europe, this is real and this is my life now. This is our American reality.

Each time something happens, I tell myself I am done. I will fight this. I will vote. I will protest. I will move far away from this dystopian reality. But this morning, as 8 souls were snatched from this world and hundreds of lives forever changed, I just sank.

I checked my Facebook obsessively. I shared a post, I followed the breaking news. My feed was filled with Jewish friends and family sharing outrage and non-Jewish friends expressing fear and sadness.

I didn't know if I could take it anymore. So I stopped.

I turned it off. I clicked away. I put mu phone on silent and my media on pause, just for a minute. And you know what? It was okay.

I made myself some iced tea. I changed my sheets. I tidied my floor. I cast on a new knitting project. And it felt alright.

No, it didn't solve anything. The news was still there when I got back, and the hurt and the pain came rushing back. But that afternoon, I needed some time to shut off before I shut down.

What We Talk About When We talk About Mental Illness

Roseanne, Kanye, and Mental Health Awareness Week

Photo Credit: What I Be Project by Steve Rosenfield

October 7-13 was mental health awareness week, with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) starting a CureStigma campaign. You may have seen posts on social media of friends or acquaintances posting about their struggles or their allyship/offers of support. If you hadn't seen or heard, I don't blame you-- I had to google it prior to this post. I had heard the term "mental health awareness week/day/month" floating around, and I figured now was as good a time as any to share my personal thoughts.

In addition to NAMI, the constant news cycle reminds us of how prevalent and even marketable serious mental illness is. Kanye West, for example, was recently at the white house, rambling about our country's problems, his solutions, men, male energy, alternate realities, the 13th amendment, and more. He mentioned the Unabomber and prison and bipolar disorder. In general, it was an extremely disjointed and fantastical discussion. (If you are interested, here is the full transcript)

Roseanne Barr, an up and coming (and subsequently fallen) reboot star was recently on the Joe Rogan podcast. She discussed her infamous tweet, her personal history with serious mental illness and psychiatric hospitalization, and the fallout from her drugged out post. I have not finished the full episode yet (it's a two hour podcast), but it is available here if you are interested.

This is a lot to dig through. This is a representation of not only our attention seeking culture, which values the extreme, but also is subsequently a version of how we understand mental illness, specifically psychosis or other dissociated forms of reality. 

To be fair, it could be worse-- at least we're not talking about mental illness because someone with a firearm took that constitutionally protected firearm and used it to murder innocent people. And at least these people in the spotlight are successful in some regards. They are creative geniuses despite their demons. There are so many angles to approach this question of celebrity culture and mental illness.

What is a self described mental health advocate to do?

Reflections on American Democracy

"SHOW ME WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE!" a middle aged woman of color shouts to the hundred or so students, parents, teachers, and children standing at the base of the capitol building in Sacramento, CA.

It is April 10, 2016, months before Trump's election. Months before the country turned from the years of the first black president to to the years of bashing the elite, electing the infamous outsider and claiming he would speak for the forgotten men and women. 

This was back when I was a I was still a sophomore in college, attending the ACLU conference as a part of the Pitzer in Ontario academic field learning program. We had driven up in a large charter bus from southern California, forming study groups with names like "The Justice League". This was a weekend of Thai food and cafeteria sandwiches, of workshops and dancing and lobbying senator (...'s assistants). 

I decided I couldn't be a politician, because the meetings looked long and mundane and I couldn't see a single person knitting in that whole auditorium of senators and congress people. I thought maybe I could get into political advocacy; after all, I was skilled at writing and research, and I wanted to make a difference. Visiting the state capitol, hearing bills being passed on a tiny fuzzy television projection of the auditorium, I had hope. I had dreams. I had plans.

Implicit Bias Training

Today, most if not all Starbucks locations in the United States will close early for what is being called "implicit bias training". In short, they had a bit of a media meltdown after two black men were arrested at a Seattle location for doing nothing. Literally, their crime was they were doing nothing when they should've been doing something (namely, purchasing a drink). From the way I have heard the story, and accounts vary as they always do, these men had the cops called on them after asking to use the bathroom and hanging around the shop after being asked to buy something or leave.

This is a much, much larger issue than these two black men and one impatient barista. This is an issue of what is known as "implicit bias", and it stems from a long and troubled history of racism in our country. Implicit bias is similar to making assumptions based on appearances, or stereotypes based on group identity. If I, a white woman, started a fight with a black woman, a passerby might assume that the African-American woman was the perpetrator because I, a fair skinned woman, look less intimidating and less likely to pick a fight.

This is so much of a deeper problem and I am barely brushing the surface here, but the point remains: people make assumptions based on skin color, and those assumptions favor lighter skinned or white-passing individuals.

I am brilliant; I am flawed.

About a month ago, I had a pretty long text conversation with my uncle about feminist critiques of the protagonists of coming of age novels such as "Catcher in the Rye". (Because, you know, that's the type of small talk you get with me). My argument, largely based on a piece by Roxane Gay titled "Not Here to Make Friends" revolved around the double standards of personality traits in literature depending on gender. For example, characters such as Holden Caufield in "Catcher in the Rye" are read as dark, moody, mysterious, troubled, while women are painted as unlikable, threatening, and I'll just say it, bitchy.

Hillary Clinton is not a Psychopath

Hey 2017-- I know you're all high on your horse because 2016 was so universally hated, but don't forget you're got like, 2 weeks left. Then it's innoguation day and the future becomes pretty fuzzy after that.

The year is ending with Trump demanding Americans accept the election results. Which is fair, I suppose. He did say he would accept the results if he won. The one thing he was truthful about, and this is what we're stuck with-- damnit, Donald!

Let me be clear here: I am not arguing that the election was rigged, or hacked, or the results are untrue in any way. I will say this, and this is important.

The people elected Hilary Clinton. The system elected Donald Trump.

The title of this post is regarding the constant allegations that Hillary Clinton is a psychopath, or a pathological liar, or literally the devil. I am not even going to begin to discuss my thoughts on Donald Trump's psychological health.

Because the political spectrum at my college extends all the way from leftist to liberal, I often stumble around conservative articles and podcasts to make sure I am hearing both sides. Partisan politics and biased news coverage concern me, and hopefully I can write more about that. In order to avoid getting sucked into my liberal bubble of Buzzfeed and John Oliver, I will push my comfort zone and purposely listen to conservative viewpoints. Specifically, I will tune in to Louder with Crowder (Steven Crowder), because he has a podcast and I can knit to that.

The Da-Nold Trump Code

Donald Trump has been elected to the US Presidency. I've been struggling with this fact for quite a while now. How could this happen?

Deeply embedded racism? Improper polling tactics? A general frustration with the political system and a need to change it at any cost?

During my nightly knitting meditation, it came to me-- the obvious answer: this is all a conspiracy theory, encoded to hide the true answers to world peace.

Well done, illuminatti. Well done.

Obviously, this is what happened. The alt-right is at best, absurd conspiracy theorists, and in reality, white supremeicists with deep rooted hatred and xenophobia. But, by hiding under these conspiracy theories, they are conspiring to hide the true conspiracy of Donald Trump.

I have not completely cracked the code yet, but I'm getting there. Here's what I've figured out:

Final Thoughts with Rivi

Last night, liberal Daily Show host Trevor Noah interviewed conservative Facebook personality Tomi Lahren. And it was amazing.

So I made my own response to Tomi. Check out my one and probably only "Final Thoughts with Rivi"

I'm fun guys. I'm fun. 

https://youtu.be/QL0NW0-9Uko

Essentialism

This past summer, I read a book titled "Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less". In it, the author explains how to live and engage with the world by focusing on the values and commitments you deem essential. Today, I am reminded once again of the importance of this lifestyle.



Early on in the book, the author suggests an list making exercise. If you could only do one thing, for the next year, what would it be?

I made my list in August. Here it is:
1. Travel the world
2. Creative Writing
3. Get straight As and focus on my academic work
4. Engage with my community through service
5. Spend time with my family and my Marin community

Follow Up on my Gun Control Post

Okay, now let's get political-- I just watched a video from this guy and I absolutely love him. Liberal guy I assume, or at least somewhere on the left. Good stuff.

Gun Control

TW: Depression, suicidal ideation, guns

Gun Control

She asks me about the second amendment.

The right to bear arms, she explains.

To live in a free country where any citizen has the right to protect themselves.

Yes, I say, thinking very little.

Guns can be controlled.

But protection is a necessity.

That night I roam the online gun shops. 

Debate a handgun or a pistol, think about what kind

of metal trap I could carry in my purse on dark streets

in late April. To press tightly next to my notebook and cell phone,

to finally feel safe in a dangerous world.

When I call my father the next day, I almost ask him why we don’t own a gun.

For home safety, I would say. To protect from forces beyond.

But before the words escape my lips, 

I remember, too clearly, why.