The Struggles of ADHD Medication (Part 2/2)

About a week ago I wrote part 1 of this post expressing my frustration around the lengthy and difficult monthly process of attaining my much-needed stimulant medication. (And to anyone wondering, yes, I did get my medication. Emotional Labor sold separately).

The second part of this post, what I am writing here, regards the abuse of stimulant medication. 

To start, I am not attacking anyone who illegally purchases Adderall or Ritalin to cram for a test. Coffee is a stimulant, and a regular part of American daily life. I'm writing this post at Starbucks with a mocha by my side. My argument is not against using stimulants or against the choice students make to do whatever it takes to get the A. 

Yes, I take ADHD medication. No, you can't have any. (Part 1/2)

One of the most ironic issues with taking medication for ADHD is that I forget to pick up my ADHD medication because of my aforementioned ADHD. With my other medications, such as my anti-depressants, I am able to have them delivered to my mailbox with little to no hassle. However, because my Concerta and Ritalin are controlled substances, AKA they're intense uppers for the Neurotypical individual, I have to jump through hoops to get my daily meds.

I have to remember to email the doctor to prescribe the medication. Following which I have to remember to go to the pharmacy when it is open and make sure my prescriptions are called into the right location. And sometimes the pharmacy won't have the medication in stock, because it is a controlled substance, or I will forget to check a certain box on the psychiatrist's site and the whole process starts over again.

I will admit I have never been outright asked for my medication. I know it happens, especially around finals week, but I make a point to surround myself with people who aren't into that. That being said, two events/encounters in the past week have led to my frustration with this culture around ADHD and college and the implicit suspicion that I am actually normal.

I am brilliant; I am flawed.

About a month ago, I had a pretty long text conversation with my uncle about feminist critiques of the protagonists of coming of age novels such as "Catcher in the Rye". (Because, you know, that's the type of small talk you get with me). My argument, largely based on a piece by Roxane Gay titled "Not Here to Make Friends" revolved around the double standards of personality traits in literature depending on gender. For example, characters such as Holden Caufield in "Catcher in the Rye" are read as dark, moody, mysterious, troubled, while women are painted as unlikable, threatening, and I'll just say it, bitchy.

The Da-Nold Trump Code Part 2: Biblical Stories

This semester, I am enrolled in the Munroe Center for Social Inquiry fellowship, a lecture series based around the ideas of conspiracy theories. Specifically, what they are, why people believe them, and how they affect our society.

I have loved conspiracy theories since I was very young. Even as young as 6 or 7, I remember waving up at the sky in the playground to let the scientists watching us know I knew they were there. Looking back, it was probably the CIA who was watching me. I bet they thought I was adorable. Or a threat. I mean, I was in second grade, what did I know?

Too much, probably.

Slipping

Update: I have found a medication issue was most likely the culprit for my depression. Thank you everyone for your support, and I look forward to returning to stability in the next few days :)


My last blog post was about a month and a half ago. Given that I would ideally be posting on a weekly basis, this is a long time for me to go without blogging. I could give you the typical list of reasons: I was busy, I was stressed, I was overwhelmed. All that is true, but something deeper has been lurking-- I am afraid I am slipping.

When I say "slipping", I mean slipping back into old habits. Slipping back into depression, or into anxiety about the possibility of slipping back into depression (yeah, the anxiety/depression combo can be brutal like that). Slipping for me indicates a loss of control. I know something is wrong, I know I may be headed down a spiral, but I feel helpless to get myself back on my feet.

Say it with me: Mental Illness is a lifelong struggle. There is no cure for depression and there are no guarantees in the world of psychiatry. There are things that work, and those differ from person to person. What works for me might not work for you, and what works for me one day may be completely useless the next.

Here is a list of what has worked for me in the past month. Some days are better than others, and each item on this list has helped me in one way or another. What's cruel about depression is that it forfeits your desire to fix things. It seems impossible until it is done, but once you try it, it doesn't seem so bad.

A Good Day

This morning, I woke up with a pounding headache and the vague recollection of terrible nightmares. Last night, I wrote an open and honest post about the difficulties of settling back into college. The act of writing the post was therapeutic in a way, and I went to sleep feeling better than I had felt in days.

Despite my pounding headache, general tired and sick feeling, and nightmares I couldn't quite remember over the night, I made the decision that today would be a good day. I was done having bad days. I've had quite enough of those, and I'm going to start this week on the right foot.

(Re)Defining Success

In the past three days, I have cried three times (at least). Not for any major reason-- no one close to me died, and I couldn't even blame it on PMS. I've cried on the phone with my parents, I cried walking back from Starbucks. Heck, I'm crying right now. And that's okay.

Let's back up a bit. I'm on my third week of classes of my senior year of college. On paper, the classes sound perfect for me. I'm in Creative Journalism, Conspiracy Theories Theory, Study of Lives Psych course, and Cognitive Film Studies. I've got a couple regular babysitting jobs and my knitting is looking better than ever. My friends are back from abroad and I'm living on campus (albeit, in a significally smaller space than I am used to.) Some days, I still feel like I am breaking.

I tell myself to think positive, that this will pass. And it will, and I know that. I make sure I am taking my medications, eating right, and drinking water. I shower daily and get dressed and I go out. Even if I struggle to go through the motions, I am still miles ahead of the me that's still lying in bed.

Some nights I miss my parents and my sister because in the end, I am still growing up. I missed a lot of years in high school due to misdiagnosis, and my social skills are lacking. College can be lonely, even when you are a senior. That's okay.

Free Printable Watercolor Binder/Notebook Covers!

Happy new school year! Is that a thing? We should make it a thing. Whatever, I love the new academic year. The new school year is filled with new opportunities and pretty sketch notes and new planners. (As you can tell, I'm not exactly a party girl).

Rivi's Top 10 Tidy Tips

This would be the place where I would apologize for the long delay between posts. In my defense, ADHD. And travel. And lack of routine and missing coffee. And a host of other valid reasons. But this isn't about me. This is about you finally receiving a new blog post that will make your life so much better. Because I'm an awesome and inspirational figure. I'm amazing and a great writer and you love me.

Let's focus on that.

Now, without further ado, my latest post.

Rivi's Top 10 Tidying Tips

So, as many of you know, I have ADHD. I choose to take medication, but there are many symptoms of this disorder that are not easily treated by medication. Rather, these are ingrained habits that require effort and lifestyle changes to adjust. One such habit is cleanliness. 

How Fidget Spinners Give a Bad Name to the Fidget Toy Game

I love fidgets. I love fidget toys and I own an excessive collection I have picked up from Groupon, Amazon, and elsewhere. And you know what? I hate fidget spinners and everything they stand for.

Study time feat. my fidget cube

I got published on HuffPost!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/5913324be4b0e070cad70ab8

Online Reputation Manager AKA Have you been publicly shamed?

I just finished reading/listening to So You've Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson. I highly recommend this book and all of his others. He is one of my favorite authors of all time, and while his books can range from dark to depressing, his insights on culture and social influence are well thought-out, beautifully written, and multi-faceted.



Towards the end of this book, Ronson discusses observing a business that made its mission to rebrand and reshape individuals and companies who had poor media reputation. Similar to a PR firm, but specifically through google search results.

Now, it's common knowledge employers probably google your name before hiring or interviews. Online dating, which has been emerging as less taboo and more widespread, utilizes good and extensive google searches before any relationships begin. Not only that, friends and new acquaintances usually get at least a bit of "Facebook stalking" to better understand who this person is and how they present themselves to the world.

My online presence may seem uplifting, inspiring, and nonchalant, but the reality is that my online persona differs from my typical, everyday self (as is the case with most people), and is curated to be an image I want to maintain.

A few things to unpack here, and yes, I'm sure you have questions. Hopefully I can answer them here.

Gluten Free-k

I have a confession: I used to be the gluten free girl. You know the one, who has no actual medical issues with gluten (and in my case, dairy as well), but constantly feels the need to point out their intolerance? Going to restaurants with me was embarrassing to say the least. Ask my sister.

Why did I do it? No, I was not purposely trying to be annoying (though, to be fair, I needed a new topic to complain about). From February - July of 2016, I declared myself to be gluten and dairy free. This diet is popular in the autism/asperger's community, but it is also used for ADD/ADHD (which I had been diagnosed with that past year).

Support me with moneys! (My Patreon page)

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=5979620&utm_campaign=launchshare2&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

781780181a7b54f46a7300bef865be1524692e9d6f4f83bab8

I am not my complexities

2 years ago today I participated in a photo project called the What I Be Project. The project aimed to display the model's biggest insecurity literally written on them. I signed up for a photo slot when Steve Rosenfield, the photographer, came to Pomona College. I saw it as a huge success, and some of the participants even went on to speak out about their experiences and insecurities and created real change at our campuses.

Is emotional labor tax deductible?

As tax day approaches (although the end of the tax year already passed in December), I figured it would be timely to put in my two cents (pun intended) about the changing dynamic of charity and funding as it relates to the digital platform.

There has been a rise in the political left to start acknowledging the toll of unpaid emotional labor. Before you go all "liberal snowflake tears" on me, let's take a second and acknowledge the issue.

Energy Fairies and Energy Vampies

My vision board

Have you ever met someone who is undoubtably a positive person? Someone who is always smiling, and seems actually genuinely happy. Someone who is grateful, who ends conversations with inspiring thoughts and makes you feel full and happy and worthy.

I will call these type of people "energy fairies". They leave a little sparkle wherever they go. They sprinkle positive thoughts through every interaction. Even when the conversation is heavy, they make you feel loved, and supported, and cared for.

Maybe you know an energy fairy type. Maybe you know people who, in the right situations, definitely fit the criteria. Power to them-- we do not have enough of these positive people in America today.

Unfortunately, I can say with almost pure certainty that you know an energy vampire type.

The Secret

Good morning to you! Are you smiling at the sun on this beautiful morning?

Maybe you are like me, and you love the morning. You love the fresh scent of morning dew and the possibility that today might be the day when you figure out that million dollar idea. Or the day when you feel so inspired it carries you to success. Today is a new day, and it holds awesome potential.

Ima

A poem I wrote, hopefully will be compiled in a future collection:

Ima

When I was young, devouring 

books like sweet syrups and comparing

myself to the characters I read,

I wanted to find the power of a name.

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

First alcoholic drink on my 21st birthday! I thought I would do a mini comedy bit, because I think I'm so funny...

Birthday Wishes

Guess who's gonna be 21 in less than 3 days (March 7)?? It's ME!

I'm not much for the drinking, the gambling, or the partying. I did get to celebrate a couple weeks ago with my family and the Weisses (who surprised me in Santa Monica). Hopefully I'll get to celebrate with some knitting and a glass of good scotch. You know, like classy people do.

The drinking age in Scotland is 18

So although my love language is giving/receiving gifts, I am not asking for gifts this year. My mom made me a beautiful basket of 21 teal colored awesome things (teal is my favorite color), and I've got some great celebrations with family and friends.

So, in lieu of gifts, I am providing a list of 21 of my favorite random acts of kindness.

EDIT: I will not object in any way, shape, or form to gifts :D Feel no obligation to bestow them upon me, but, ya know, gifts are lovely and wonderful and awesome sauce. (She says as she casually links her Amazon Wishlist)

Note Taking Tutorial

This is my step by step tutorial for how I take my pretty, artistic, and eye-catching notes. Check out my last post to see what tools I use to take my notes.

Hopefully I can inspire some of you and maybe even motivate academic success.



Before You Begin

Get all your supplies ready. I like to arrive to class a few minutes early so I can be all set as soon as class starts. Here is my post on my favorite note taking supplies.

The notes are from my forensic psychology class, which I color coded red-orange. Each of my classes have their own designated zebra midliner color.

I like this color coding system because it is simple enough to not confuse me, but organized enough to benefit my brain.

My Note Taking Tools

Studying for my PSYC165 midterm

I have gotten comments from classmates that I take really good notes. I have neat handwriting and I'm artistic. I am creating a tutorial to show you how I take notes, and hopefully inspire some of you with my work.

Next post will be a step by step tutorial-- stay tuned!

From strength to strength,

Rivi

Tools

1. Highlighter/Marker:

Zebra Highlighter Mildliner, 5 Color Set (WKT7-5C)
Zebra NC5 Highlighter Mildliner, 5 Color Set (WKT7-5C-NC)

Mental Illness 101 (Free Printable Resources)

Every year at the Claremont Colleges in February, a student group called Splash hosts an event called Claremont Splash. It started at MIT and has since expanded to Stanford and schools across the nation.

From their website: Splash is a once-a-year (FREE!!!) event where high school students come to the Claremont Colleges and Claremont Colleges students teach classes on literally (yes literally) anything (math, poetry, long boarding, socks….) 

I was the volunteer graphic designer for a couple years-- I designed the table tents, posters, and flyers.

Full Attention; or, why I no longer jaywalk

My class at Pitzer begins at 8:10 am. To walk here, from my apartment, takes approximately 25 minutes. And yet, I walk out of my door every morning at 7:30 am on the dot, giving myself almost twice the time I need. I do this to avoid jaywalking.

You may be thinking, "Wait, I jaywalk. Everybody does it. I mean sure, it's technically illegal, but it's really just frowned upon. And how many streets to you have to cross that this could be an issue?"

I cross two streets (to get to a corner), and there are rarely drivers, much less inattentive speeding cars. The traffic lights are probably run on timers or by some formula based on city planning. There are pedestrian buttons, but I'm not sure how much I believe in their effectiveness.


The reason I leave so early, and the reason I do not jaywalk, has to do with my intention for focus, mindfulness, and attention in everything I do-- including the mundane.

The Value of an Umbrella

"The price is what you pay. The value is what you get." - Unknown

It's been rainy and drizzly here in Claremont the past couple weeks. I used to really struggle with it-- the wet, cold, icky feeling of the rain, putting a groggy damper on my entire day. Then one day, I suddenly discovered a solution: an umbrella.

I'm not here to claim I invented the umbrella, and I'm not here for you to ridicule my lack of obvious knowledge that a cheap umbrella from 7 Eleven has the potential to protect me from the rain. I am here to give my thoughts on the value of the little things that make your life better.

For so long, I scoffed at the idea of an umbrella. I don't know if I thought I was too cool, or if I assumed my hoodie could protect me from even the briefest walks between my apartment and my mailbox. (It could not)

Not My President/Protest

This is very bad.

Trump was sworn in to office yesterday. Women's march in DC, as well as protests across the nation, are taking over cities today. And here I am, sitting in a cafe in Claremont, wearing a pussyhat project handmade knit hat and writing this blog post that less than 100 people will probably see.

Is the pen mightier than the sword? Or, in this case, the amazing protest signs?

Let's take a step back. I knit the hat I am wearing. I made it with the full intention of getting up at the crack of dawn this morning and riding public transportation downtown and walking in the cold or heat or rain holding up masterfully designed signs with other college students. So how did I end up in a library cafe, far away from the action?

Hillary Clinton is not a Psychopath

Hey 2017-- I know you're all high on your horse because 2016 was so universally hated, but don't forget you're got like, 2 weeks left. Then it's innoguation day and the future becomes pretty fuzzy after that.

The year is ending with Trump demanding Americans accept the election results. Which is fair, I suppose. He did say he would accept the results if he won. The one thing he was truthful about, and this is what we're stuck with-- damnit, Donald!

Let me be clear here: I am not arguing that the election was rigged, or hacked, or the results are untrue in any way. I will say this, and this is important.

The people elected Hilary Clinton. The system elected Donald Trump.

The title of this post is regarding the constant allegations that Hillary Clinton is a psychopath, or a pathological liar, or literally the devil. I am not even going to begin to discuss my thoughts on Donald Trump's psychological health.

Because the political spectrum at my college extends all the way from leftist to liberal, I often stumble around conservative articles and podcasts to make sure I am hearing both sides. Partisan politics and biased news coverage concern me, and hopefully I can write more about that. In order to avoid getting sucked into my liberal bubble of Buzzfeed and John Oliver, I will push my comfort zone and purposely listen to conservative viewpoints. Specifically, I will tune in to Louder with Crowder (Steven Crowder), because he has a podcast and I can knit to that.